2/6/11 – My neck is nearly out. So much tension in between my shoulder blades. I think it resulted from sleeping wrong on our already uncomfortable bed. I was going to practice like mad yesterday but I couldn’t. Still, in response to Riffy’s video on the Rise of the Shamans and another response to that from someone else, and then the reappearance of the black widow – this time it was not accompanied by any other shamanically significant events or sensations, however, and was lodged at the bottom of my sliding door, half way between the inner world of my home and the outer world – I decided to clean up my space(and the kitchen) and practice the way I used to practice. So when everything was prepared, I allowed my ritualistic practices to be deliberate and serious with choreographed naturalistic movements, I called on my plant ally, Datura, to protect me, and my maligned friend, _______, to do the same.
I forgot to mention that the dog that has been lodging here for a few days – also somewhat significant in that I can feel her presence very strongly and she sends out healing love energy – decided to rip apart my little petrified frog and spill its entrails all over my couch. Then while cleaning, my other little friend, the fig beetle, fell onto the floor, and I wondered if the dog might gobble it up as well, or if I might break it trying to pick it up as it was in a tight space between the couch and my altar. It was a sign to me that my little helper friends were about to go somewhere else if I didn’t pay enough attention to them or use them for anything, and so I decided to use the AD to bring the beetle back to life. The energy transfer was enormous, and after a while, the form of the spirit of the beetle presented itself, and I spontaneously uttered its name, Yeitei(accent on the first syllable.) I kept transferring energy until I became the beetle, and then it presented itself in a manner readily and willing to work, almost as if asking, “Okay. So what do we take care of?” I was nearly completely in trance at this point, allowing the consciousness of the beetle to take me over, and there were moments when I thought(hoped) I might completely black out. But my mind was still functioning on basic levels, and the first thing I thought of was the black widow, or at least whatever negativity it represents, whether it be some external negative force or something I need to face within myself.
Then we sort of leapt into action against that force which displayed itself suddenly. I could see the form of the spider, now the negative space, between large, bulbous clouds of bluish-white energy. It was formidable, but we conquered it. Interestingly enough, I don’t really remember how. It was all pretty natural feeling.
After that deep, dark, serious stuff, I thought about Diksha, and it was like a lid popped open in my Crown and Diksha started pouring in. I actually said “Oh” aloud because it was as though this divine energy was reminding me of its true nature. After having dealt with these darker, denser energies, it was like a breath of fresh air. And then of course I got to such a point as to consider being enlightened for a time. Then Krishna Diksha and visions of myself as part of the Supreme Person, one face among trillions to make up the form of Krishna. Deep feelings of significant insignificance. The Person was telling me “You matter so much to me. Without you, I would be incomplete. And yet you are but one small fraction of the grand total of my being.” It was extremely difficult to wrap my mind around.
Closing down was difficult, and it didn’t feel like 20 minutes was long enough, but my shoulders were hurting like hell by then. I don’t think sitting in that wooden chair and twitching around for so long really helped it either. There were moment when I felt that the blockage in my back was the result of the “Kundalini” work I’ve been doing, and I still wonder the same. Although why would it take three days to manifest when I’ve been doing that work for several days prior? And I’m pretty sure it’s just sexual energy, not Kundalini, but those two are pretty closely related, I believe.
During the practice, I also felt that the energy rising from my lower chakras and the energy descending from my higher chakras should be meeting in the middle of my body and melding together, so I focused on that a lot. If White Dragon and Red Dragon meet, don’t they create Pink Dragon? And is that not the color of the Stone? So I started using the “special” form of the Aka Dua to help merge them. It was successful at times but difficult to grab on to conceptually and proprioceptively.
Also of note during this practice was a moment when it felt like my 3rd Eye or Sky Eye completely opened up and I knew I could see everything. Nothing changed, but I had the feeling that if I looked at someone, I would be able to see everything about them, what they were thinking, how they felt, everything. I imagined someone and saw him at a kind of carnival with colors and moving machines.
Then during the “higher energies” portion of the work, I was suddenly transported back to ancient Egypt and saw myself as a scribe. There were some strange, strong, but simplistic emotions stirring within me, like a tarnished sense of duty and disappointment in my role in life. I could see myself clearly, but only for a while.
And in the silence, strange ideas and phrases popped into my head. I wrote them down:
- A shamanic formula: Bring your ally to life with the Aka Dua until you become your helper, and then you can accomplish any work together.
- The Tan Ma-rí: The brothers who split the stone.
- Treat Diksha with respect.